God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hippo gnu deer
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
