He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
