I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
