i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
ttyl tear gas
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
