I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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