I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize