You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
