at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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