There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
