how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
