we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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