so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
