allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize