i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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