I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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