The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
