its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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