my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
