It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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