Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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