I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
