I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
