Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
