She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
