You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
