in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
