I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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