so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
