$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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