dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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