im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
