He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
