I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
