He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
