You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I love you. Go after that dick
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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