i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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