a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
