It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
