The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
nutella sex= disaster
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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