Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
