SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
