This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
