no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
