She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
