Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
