yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
