I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
