allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize