You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize