I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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