Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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