I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
