i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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