Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My friends, they love my intelligence
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
