i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize