just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
