grandma shit on top of the toilet
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize