im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
