1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
