I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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