We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
