ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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