call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
