Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
