Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize