I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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