If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
