It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
