I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
