it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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